Sin - Discursive Thoughts vs. Intuitions

The challenge in short:
We don’t seem to have the freedom to be sinless and, throughout our life, reflect God’s love and wisdom into the world without ever failing. If we really were free to do that at least some would have succeeded. As it is, only one has succeeded. And he was - yes, human - but also God. I think that speaks volumes about the difficulty and the challenge the rest of us are up against.

What I get from others as well is this: When evening comes and we close our eyes we are still sinners; no matter our prayers, our faith, our genuine intentions. It seems that we have a built in faulty system that makes us choose to sin.

Imagine seeing this in another religion or in some other format. Perhaps a cartoon. – A creator has created his creatures with a propensity to sin. Or perhaps he has allowed circumstances to form them this way. Even the most humble creatures who hate their own self-will succumb to that will of the self at the end of the day. And what does the creator declare them: Sinners!, worthy only of death … if it wasn’t for his “mercy”.

If this wasn’t part of our own religion I think most would react this way: Whoa! That’s NOT fair!

But being a pious Christian we compartmentalize to “stay faithful”. I can’t do that, having no walls in my compartment to lean against. But I can’t let go of Jesus either. The Gospel is filled to the brim, no, overflowing with so much Love, that it has to contain Truth. Love from God to us, through Jesus Christ – Love from ourselves to one another, through Jesus Christ. Yes. That must be love. That must be truth.

Now, in one of my meditations these paradoxical words came to me (as from God to Human):

“You deserve to die, that’s why you have to ask for forgiveness – you do not deserve to die, that’s why you can ask for forgiveness every day; and I will grant it.”

Yes, already from the beginning God promised to defeat death.

Meditating on this it has evolved to the following. I will have to be blasphemous and speak with the voice of God to his human creatures:

I know you are weak. And I don’t blame you. But if you indulge in the ways of your weakness, which pulls you down, you may feel scolded. Don’t identify with that which I want to rid you from. I have so much in store for you. I will raise you above the angels and you shall inherit what I have formed with my own hands. I will give you the whole world when you are ready.

I know that deep in your heart you long for this day. And I know that you hate yourself for doing what is hurtful to others and what grieves me. Are you not truly aware why you feel this way? Well, that’s an old story going all the way back to the beginning of Scripture and reaching through to the last pages: You have my breath inside of you. You are my child.

I am not finished completing you, dearest humanity. You will flourish in many different ways like colorful flowers in my garden. In that process you will view me through some distortion. Even in your clearest moments you will not have complete clarity. And, yes, you will sin. But because I, myself, am the seed in your heart you will feel repelled by your sins and even by yourself.

Do you think that I’m behind the stars? No, I’m in the middle of your conscience.

That is why my voice sounds like this: You are forgiven.

To you this will feel like mercy. And in a deep sense it is. Because: Even though your weakness is not your fault you can’t turn your back on the whole matter. Why not? Because you hate when you call forth tears in your neighbor’s eyes. You hate when you indulge in richness while others crawl around in poverty. You hate your ignorance even if this ignorance isn’t your fault. This hatred of the flesh is me in you. This love – for that’s what it really is – is me in you. Through every part of you it’s actually my voice screaming (often silently) – it is my, and by implication also your, call for the freedom to love. And having the seed of real love inside you this whole process cannot sound any other way than this: “Forgive me and teach me how to love.” The seed of love in your conscience forms these words – and hearing myself in and through you – I will grant you what you ask for.

My love, mediated through you back to me, expresses itself as conscience. And hearing myself through the sound of your heart I will, for every outcry, give you that same response you long for. That of forgiveness.

When words, language and even Scripture mystify you it is key to know that you are not isolated from me. You are in me, and I am in you. Knowing this in an experiential way should soften the rigidness of your thinking.

You may find Scripture speaking in a lot of different ways and even containing contradictions. But they all point in one direction – to Jesus. My son in your midst is how you see me inside Human. Yes, inside you. The Scriptures are only the doorstep. Jesus is the door. Let him speak to you in ways that go deeper and reach beyond the Scriptures themselves. Sometimes you will have to become centered by Scripture, yes, but look through them, as you would look through a peek hole in a prison, and you will find a vast landscape beyond. I am there, and you will be there with me, for now in glimpses, and later – forever.

When you cry out for forgiveness, with tears full of sorrow, I also cry – but my tears are full of joy. For I hear my love in you. And the relief you feel when you are crying is my joy reflected as the sparks in your tears. Sorrow and joy are not far apart. In the intersection between you will find me.

And so, too, it is with language: When it raises as high as it can, and then a bit higher, it will become full of paradoxes. From this place you will have to listen in another way to rise even further. Silently. Faithfully. Not getting an answer on demand. And then – when you hear me speaking from that place you have reached the intersection between your language and mine. This is called silence. And it is a vibrant silence. This will be comforting. And it will be without words. I will speak and I will stop speaking. And you will miss me already because we have made love. But you have to go back to be with your friends and brothers and sisters. If you, then, want to translate our conversation to human language you will find that it can only be done through imagery, poetry and parables.

And this you already know. Keep striving. And you will also know me.